I have not been here for four weeks and I think you can do the maths from now on.

Well, that was Christmas, for the 2015th time since the beginning of history. Come on, think about it, you can’t have minus years, that would be dumb.

The more astute amongst you may interpret the above statement as proof that the americanization of society (and spelling) has finally got to me and I have become one of the mindless sheep that will one day be nothing but conscripted cannon fodder in the great never-ending war for oil. Or for freedom of religion, if you’re squeamish.

This isn’t true, of course. But it could have been.

It does, however, bring me nicely to my central question of the week. The PETA people go around chanting “Fur is murder!” and “Down with meat!” and “Linda McCartney did nothing wrong!” Living as I do in the heart of rural England, it occurred to me to wonder…if fur is murder, what about sheepskin? You never hear any protests about that. There’s not even any stigma attached to wearing sheepskin coats like there is with fur coats. Awful confusing, if you ask me.

Now for the puzzle corner. After an entire month of cogitation, you will no doubt have arrived at the correct answer – “The Battle of Waterloo”. In fact, you couldn’t have escaped it if you wanted to.

Wah-oh-wah-oh-wah-Waterloo, knowing my fate is to be with you.

That is all, except for next week’s puzzler, “What gets wetter, the more it rains?” The answer may surprise you.

Now go outside and do something useful. It’s too late for me.