I have now been here for seven weeks…but you might be forgiven for thinking that it was eight.

As I write this latest instalment of what I am reliably informed is referred to as a “column” in journalistic circles, I am surrounded by crib-sheet-style wall posters explaining all about how to deconstruct a film. Now, I’m of a traditional bent, so I usually just watch the things, but there is a school of thought these days that believes that there is such a thing as “sub-text”. This does not refer to the words at the bottom of foreign fils, but to a supposed “deeper meaning” in the story and the characters and what-have-you.

I have never picked up on any sort of “deeper meaning” in what I read, watch, or listen to and I don’t expect that I ever will. Therefore, either I am extraordinarily dim-witted or there is a conspiracy in the mass media to implant subliminal messages in every kind of media that the population consumes. Those are the only possible explanations.

In other news – well, not “news” exactly, but bear with me, Hallowe’en just happened for the 2015th time. Because everybody knows that it was invented by the baby Jesus after his cataclysmic battle with Satan at the beginning of time. Uneducated Americans on Twitter said so, so it must be true. We had a pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses turn up at our house just as it was getting dark. They didn’t seem to understand why we kept trying to give them sweets…apparently Hallowe’en isn’t a thing for them. Like organ transplants. Or fun.

One final point, Star Wars is coming back. It’ll probably be a terrible disappointment. Unless it isn’t. But if it is, you heard it here first. Unless you didn’t.

P.S. Don’t believe anything you read with your eyes.

Unless you do.

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