I have been here for five weeks and I no longer think.

I have found everything here to be terrible, except for the things that aren’t. The fact that there are actually fewer terrible things than non-terrible things is entirely irrelevant. However, it is the irrelevancy of that clarification that makes it relevant.

The more astute amongst you may realise that I am in fact referring to the college’s breakfasting facilities, which I sampled today for the first time. Three pounds and twenty-five new pence left my pocket and a motley selection of fried items entered my digestion. Allow me to elucidate in a southerly direction:

https://i0.wp.com/www.grange-hotel.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/breakfast.jpg

This is not the precise breakfast I received, but the newspaper can’t spare a photographer to follow me around so you’ll have to use your imaginations a little bit. Oh wait, they’ve been irreparably dulled by Instagram and Angry Birds. Whatever those are.

Bacon, sausage, fried egg, mushrooms and a choice of hash browns or fried slice. That’s what you get. Oh, and tea. Or bean-based tea substitute if that’s what you’re into. There’s no accounting for taste. Or lack of it.

Overall, I was fairly impressed with what was dished up, well worth the price of admission and it set me up a treat for the arduous morning of hanging around doing nothing that followed. And they say education is wasted on the young. Ho ho. How right they aren’t.

https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/1986641259/breakfast.jpg

Also not my breakfast, but it’s nice to look at and that’s the important thing.

(If any of the cafeteria staff are reading this, give us a free breakfast every now and then and my weekly essay will be filled with naught but praise for your efforts.)

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