2013 Alternative Film Awards

Ok guys, here it is: it’s Ollie’s 2013 film awards! Some of the awards are a little unconventional, but I hope they give a good summary of what 2013 was like in the world of film.

Pointless remake of the year award: Carrie

The horror remake was admittedly a decent watch, with a great performance from Chloe Grace-Moretz, but it was always going to come off worse when compared to the original. So the question is, if you’re never going to live up to the high standards of the original then why make it?! That question is certainly not asked to many American film executives nowadays.

Oldboy was also considered for this award, but it was overlooked because I am curious to see how disappointed I am.

Film that left you feeling all warm and fuzzy inside award: Saving Mr Banks

Saving Mr Banks features the death of the main character’s alcoholic father and yet is still one of the feel-good films of the year. That’s probably due to the light-hearted humour, the touching screenplay and thoroughly heart-warming ending. The nostalgia of hearing your favourite Mary Poppins songs yet again paired with faultless performances from Emma Thompson and Tom Hanks certainly help makes it’s case.

Film that was really long but went really quickly award: Prisoners

With a running time of 153 minutes, this film had the potential to outstay it’s welcome as it were, and leave you checking your watch many times over the course of the film. However, it left you compelled with each twist and turn in the complex story arc. Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhall’s gritty performances were one of the main reasons for this.

Film that was really short but went really slowly award: Runner Runner

This film is just 91 minutes long but feels a lot longer; and amazingly despite it’s short running time it still manages to find room to squeeze in lots of filler of Justin Timberlake’s beautiful face. Okay okay we get it, JT is “dreamy” – we don’t need to be reminded of this with a glamour shot of him every 30 seconds!

Movie that made you cringe in ways that you never thought you could cringe before award: Movie 43

This film’s legendary level of outrageousness un-funniness almost rivals even that of Freddy Got Fingered, and it’s also a lot, lot worse. Featuring sketches about periods, masturbating cats and a man with a scrotum on his neck, it’s easy to see why it was critically panned. Some comedies can be watched time and time again and they can still be funny – this one wasn’t funny on its first viewing.

Children’s film that it’s perfectly understandable to enjoy award: Monsters University

Yep, anybody of any age can’t help but smile when they see this film. Smart, funny, and full of nostalgia for anybody who watched the original, it is undeniably another Pixar masterpiece. Frozen also gets an honorable mention for making me tap my feet to some of it’s musical numbers (I know, I know – I’m ashamed)

Ollie’s film of the year which may not be the best film but is the one that he enjoyed the most: Captain Phillips

Tom Hanks gives one of his strongest post-Forrest Gump performances in this based-on-a-true-story thriller. Gripping from start to finish, my 2013 Film of the Year will certainly be viewed again in 2014.

So that was my alternative Film Awards 2013. And with critically acclaimed American Hustle and 12 Years a Slave as well as the comedies Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues and Last Vegas all being released too late for these awards, I’m sure you’re all already looking forward to next year’s awards!


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