Why? Not why are they around? Why are they the same every year!
My sister calls me grumpy and a sourpuss… Ok she doesn’t say sourpuss, I just like that word. She says I have no Christmas spirit and that I should brighten up a bit.
I sit there complaining in my room trying to avoid her and playing games with headphones in and she is up on her feet dancing and singing along with the TV at full volume. There is no other time when the neighbors wouldn’t come around and tell her to shut it off or shout, “Turn that bloody music down!” I have been shouted at for running a bath too noisily before, but when it’s loud as hell Christmas songs, nope that’s fine. I can see that they are meant to be happy and that for many people they represent a good time in their lives that they can relate to and think about every year.
And don’t get me wrong; I like Christmas as much as the next cynical b*st*rd. But after 15, nearly 16 Christmases I can’t get over why there is such a set selection of songs. We all know them: Slade-Merry Christmas everybody, Wizzard- I wish it could be Christmas every day, Cliff Richard- Mistletoe and wine (more like whine), The Pogues-Fairytale of New York and many, many more. But we are forced to listen to the same songs every year. When I say forced, I mean it. Every year you hear them on adverts, in stores when you are shopping, you can hear them blaring from Christmas parties and people hum them all around the holiday. The only way to avoid them is to live under a rock or cut off your ears. Or both, just to be sure!
So when did I become Scrooge?
When I was in primary school I sung in the choir. Of course this is because I had a beautiful and angelic singing voice, which was taken from me like candy from a rather clumsy and loose gripped baby when puberty came along. In this four year stint I had to sing many songs and luckily none of them ever repeated or had to be sung until we hated them… Ok I lied, all of the songs were sung to death and songs that I previously had liked were ruined for me when hearing them repeatedly squealed loudly from the tone deaf girl next to me. At least most of the time we sang the song into oblivion and then when it was sufficiently dead to everyone in the room we moved on and never came back to it. This happened to all songs; apart from… you guessed it: Christmas songs!
The whole of November and December we had to practice them, and then sing them in the local Retirement home, I have nothing wrong with retirement homes and after four years of choir visits and another few trips with scouts I can say that the only thing I find unappealing is the smell. But because of this I have linked the smell of stale urine to Christmas songs. If singing the songs over and over wasn’t enough to make me hate them, thinking about them whenever I smell urine doesn’t help!
Please help me; together we can make new songs. Better songs. Ones that don’t suck so much. If you are in a band or considering making one, you know what you need to do!