Hostilities arose yesterday between the Food Standards Agency and the Time Team team over what should become of a McDonald’s Big Mac thought to contain traces of horse meat. Evidence suggests that this horse belonged to the late Richard III, who was recently found in a nearby car park. Richard the Third was a fifteenth century king made famous by his starring role in the Stephen Shakelsperg play of the same name. Historians presume he ended up in the car park after a drunken binge gone horribly wrong.
“The evidence suggests that this is indeed his horse.’ says Time Team presenter Tony Baldrickson. “From the residue that has been recovered it looks like a magnificent beast. What king wouldn’t give his kingdom for such a horse?”
“We also found an unfinished cup of McDonald’s milkshake(speare) at his grave. He was never able to finish it because he couldn’t find the appropriate implement. As the famous line goes, of course, ‘Some straws! Some Straws! My Burger Kingdom for some straws.*'”
There are plans to bring the king and his horse back. Mick Aston, resident academic at Time Team, describes the process. “It’s quite simple really, we just clone him based on what’s left in his McNuggets.”
*Let’s see how far I can take this tortured joke.